


If You Were Here

by Worlds_we_Idolize



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers Feels, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), BAMF Tony Stark, Background Relationships, Basically scene rewrites, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Civil War Team Iron Man, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Guardians of the Galaxy (mentioned) - Freeform, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, If You Squint - Freeform, May Parker (mentioned) - Freeform, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Past Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Peter Parker Feels, Peter Parker Lives, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Slice of Life, Thanos (Marvel) Dies, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric, but not really?, incomplete fic, not team Cap friendly, world building, yikess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22009729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worlds_we_Idolize/pseuds/Worlds_we_Idolize
Summary: For years Tony Stark had dedicated his existence to saving the world. As soon as he finally begins to live, his former teammates show up on his doorstep expecting him to give it all up. Haunted by the one person he couldn't save, Tony agrees to do the impossible: reverse the snap. But what if Peter Parker had never turned to ash in the first place?orA partial Avengers: Endgame rewrite in a universe where Peter survived the snap. Basically a brief set up for Tony being content with his new life, and not rejoining the Avengers.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Comments: 23
Kudos: 890





	If You Were Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> Quick Disclaimer: this fic is a draft of an intro to a full AU I'd plan to write. It was supposed to be an exploration of what the world looked like post-snap, and how Tony wouldn't have rejoined the Avengers if Peter were still alive. This was written pre - Far From Home, so when the movie came out I kinda gave up on this because my enthusiasm dwindled out.  
> With that in mind, I haven't touched this draft in months, but I decided to publish it instead of letting it collect dust in my google drive.  
> There's really no ending to this but it's not a cliffhanger either. Just wanted to clarify why it may seem wonky.  
> Please enjoy!! Oh, and if you've read my other works check the ending note for some maybe useful info :D

“Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good.”

Tony whipped his head around to set his worried eyes on the boy speaking. His apprentice had his arms wrapped around himself, nearly doubled over in apparent pain. The ash on his face masked how pale he had become since Thanos had snapped his fingers.

“Hey, hey,” Tony tried to soothe, catching Peter as he fell into his outstretched arms. Even through the metal of the Iron Spider suit the man could feel him shaking.

“I don’t want them to go, Mr. Stark. I don’t want them to go, Sir.” The teenagers arms, usually so strong because of his mutated genes, felt almost weak when wrapped around his mentor’s shoulders. He clung to him stubbornly, burying his weeping face in his neck.

Out of the corner of Tony’s eye he could spot the last of the Guardians faze out of existence and turn to dust before his eyes. The blue cyborg, Nebula, was standing resolutely nearby. Her face was pulled in a solemn expression.

Peter sunk to the ground and Tony followed along after him. “Kid, kid, look at me.” The engineer’s pleas were desperate at this point. The kid’s eyes were screwed shut tightly and his hands briefly let go of Tony to press against his ears, as though he were attempting to block out all of his senses.

Tony almost stopped breathing when Peter’s brown eyes flew open to reveal his tears. “They’re gone. Mr. Stark, they’re gone.”

In that moment, Tony knew that the teen was not just referring to the aliens who they had barely just met. He wasn’t even talking about Dr. Strange, who had traded the time stone and set the last leg of Thanos’ plan into motion.

No, he was talking about everyone.

Half the universe, gone with the snap of a finger.

Tony looked up at the sky and seemed to drown in the hues of orange washing over them. There was a weight in his chest that for a long time he only associated with the arc reactor. He managed to force one of his hands out from stroking Peter’s hair, and instead swept the ground. Scattered ashes, the owner of whom he couldn’t be sure, stained his fingers black.

_I suppose this is the blood on my hands._

It took a while for Tony to coax Peter into a sitting position. He could tell that the sensory overload that had plagued the kid had receded. His eyes were now flitting around, and the shakiness of his muscles had stalled. The spider sense was finally calming down.

Tony bit his lip as he almost asked whether he was okay or not. Of course he wasn’t okay. Nothing about this was okay. He settled for cupping one hand around his jaw and tilting his face to look him in the eye. “You with me?” Tony hated how unsteady his voice sounded to his own ears.

Peter sluggishly blinked the last of his panic away and looked up. “I’m here.”

_Thank God for that._

~~~

Being adrift in space for three weeks had taken a toll on the survivors from Titan. Tony was growing weaker and skinnier everyday, rarely eating anything at all. He gave all of his portions to Peter, who grudgingly accepted them in the mind fog that overtook his brain. His accelerated metabolism meant that he needed a ridiculous amount of calories to function, and he was getting less than an average amount daily. The pair spent the first couple weeks frantically searching the ship for anything that could be of use. Recently, however, they could do little more than sit and watch the light of stars pass by the windows.

Nebula was still operating at full capacity despite the lack of nutrients. Her mind, however, grew more worried as the days passed. The humans forced into her company had somehow won her affection. Seeing them gradually submit to death tore her apart in a way Thanos’ snap never could.

It was day 22 (23?) when Tony tasked Peter with challenging Nebula to a second round of paper football while he went to the flight area. For the past few days he could feel his already damaged heart stuttering in his chest.

Tony eased himself to the floor and tapped a button hidden beneath the chin of the Iron Man mask. His last message to Pepper was recorded, and he told the love of his life how when he drifted off, he’d dream of her. It was always her.  
The nano tech attachment reflected a dull blue as Tony threw himself down into the pilot seat and stared at the great expanse of space.

The engineer considered calling Peter to come sit by him. In their time here on the ship, Peter was rarely more than a room away. The kid had taken to trailing behind the man everywhere, and Tony honestly couldn’t say he minded. The desire for the younger’s company roared to life before he quickly extinguished the thought.

No, he couldn’t be so selfish. To make him watch this would just be cruel.

Tony felt the air struggle to enter his lungs, and the searing headache that hammered insistently against his temple. His consciousness began to float away, like it had never occupied his body at all….

That’s when he saw it. A blinding light blocked his vision and forced tears to the brim of his eyes. His hand flew up in a vain attempt to get a clear view of what was approaching.

“Oh my God”, he heard from over his shoulder. Still struggling to remain lucid, Tony was grounded by Peter’s (much to thin, much to clammy) hand grabbing onto his own. At some point the light had attracted him into the room, like a moth to a flame. The teenager crouched beside his mentor, attention glued to whatever he saw through the windshield.

_“Mr. Stark.”_

~~~

_“Tony,”_ Pepper and Steve called, running to help him down the steps. Tony and Pepper reunited in a mess of broken apologies and choked sobs. Tony looked back to see Peter standing patiently beside Rogers a few yards away.

Tony, despite his quick mind and affinity for words, could hardly think of something to say to the super soldier standing before him. He couldn’t bring himself to care, either. He settled for saying the first thought that slipped from his mind. “The kid’s alive,” he practically sobbed. He wasn’t sure why he would tell Steve of all people that, or why he wanted to say it aloud in the first place.

Steve merely nodded and reached out a hand to support Tony’s swaying stance. He probably thought he was hysterical, or on the brink of some other madness, but once again it didn’t matter. Steve’s eyes held a gentleness that Tony couldn’t quite logically decipher, but it seemed as though the blanket of grief over the world had extended here as well.  
“Let’s get you inside,” Pepper whispered.

“Wait,” Tony croaked. He scanned the area. Nebula and a… raccoon? Creature? Were sitting together on a ledge, seemingly in companionable silence. The woman, Carol Danvers, who had flown them back here was dusting off her hands and striding into the compound. She nodded once to Rogers in passing and continued her purposeful march.

No one else had come out to greet the returned Avengers, but Tony suspected that they were waiting inside. Satisfied with his brief reckon, Tony grasped Peter’s hand and steered him to his side. “Let’s go.” Pepper ran a delicate hand up his arm, and Steve walked behind the trio, his presence disturbingly familiar but not yet unwelcome.

~~~

“A suit of armor around the world. Isn’t that what I said? All those years ago? After Thanos pummeled New York? A fail safe. Protection,” Tony shook with unreleased rage. “And what did you say Captain?”

The room was thick with the unspoken emotion coursing through the others. Usually they never had to hold back, or bite their lip. They longed to speak up like they normally would, but there was nothing to say. They weren’t as used to having to listen and sit back as Tony was.

Tony wasn’t as used to speaking what he really wanted to when he wanted to. He wasn’t used to them listening. But, Christ, would he seize this opportunity.

Struggling out of the wheelchair he had been confined to, he stumbled over to the man who had caused him so much grief for years. Since before they even met.

“You said; lose? We’d do that together, too.” Rogers stood motionless as his words were thrown back into his face. “This is the loss, Cap.” Tony reached up to his chest and felt the nanotech attachment crumble within his fist. Peter made a sound of protest from somewhere behind him. The kid was lying on a couch with an IV stuck in his arm, much like the one his mentor should’ve had.

Tony’s blood boiled further. He shoved the destroyed machinery into Steve’s hand. “This,” the air expelled from his lungs. He never looked back to where Peter was fighting against Rhodey to stand, but everyone could sense the pointed meaning of his words. “Is what we couldn’t protect. Hell, what we can’t even avenge.”

“Tony,” Rhodey pleaded. His best friend sank to his knees, breathing erratic.

“I’m fine.”

With that, Tony collapsed.

~~~

In the time since coming back, Tony caught up on how the world had fared since the snap. As Natasha had explained, “Thanos did exactly what he sought out to do. Half of all living things, gone.” Tony tried to not shake at the memory of what Peter had said back on Titan.

The world had worked surprisingly quickly to wrap their heads around the concept of 50% being vanished. There was no government, no plans, but little more happened in the world besides grieving. Pepper had taken it upon herself to start restoring some sense of order where she could, and Tony almost was glad that he was off world during the initial confusion.

Everyone was coming to terms with the Vanished.

What no one mentioned, though, was the Collateral.

Tony had helped Peter search for his Aunt May for days until they finally got into contact with someone who had been with her before the snap. After Spider Man had been whisked away into the atmosphere that fateful day, May had continued her shift at the hospital until mass evacuations hit New York. Everyone was determined to leave the cursed city once news spread that aliens had made a reappearance.

At that point May had told her superior that she was going home, goddammit, and she had to contact her nephew by any means.

Tony sat with Peter on the curb outside his old apartment while Friday finally finished downloading the hastily drafted report from the city’s database.

Peter swallowed the last of the hot dog Tony had bought him and wiped the mustard from his lips. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the Stark Phone. “Can you read it?” He mumbled. The teenager played with the sleeve of the AC/DC t-shirt Tony had lent him, and took comfort in the smell of motor oil still lingering on the collar.

“On the Decimation date, approximately five minutes after the initial snap, May Parker was seen exiting Mercy Hospital from the Southwestern exit. Parker was crossing the avenue when an out of control cab, previously operated by a victim of the snap, struck her-” Tony’s voice caught when he heard Peter’s crying. Not bothering to continue reading, Tony dropped the stupid screen and pulled the younger into his side.

He desperately wished that his and Pepper’s assumptions had been wrong. He prayed, prayed, that Friday would speak up with an apology and an error message and send a new report. One that said May was alive and well. Hell, even one that said she had Vanished.

Anything but this.

Collateral, the people who died as a result of the snap’s aftermath, couldn’t be brought back.

Everyone in a helicopter, plane, or vehicle that lost it’s driver. Every critical hospital patient without a doctor. Every operation where the surgeon disappeared. Everyone in precarious positions. Every elderly person and young child who had been abruptly left to their own devices. All those vulnerable people, not vanished, but dead.

Tony sat on the curb of that desolate street, arms full of mourning heartache, and couldn’t help but wish there was some sound, any sound, to drown out the echo of pain. He hadn’t seen a bird in weeks, and even the flower beds planted outside nearby buildings seemed to be split right down the middle. The world was empty, abandoned, and hardly recognizable.

He thought of Peter’s friend Ned, who had disappeared along with his entire family. He thought of his friend MJ, who had survived but lost her mother. They had been in pain. They had suffered loss, but in a way it was nothing close to this.

Fate might not be on Peter’s side ,Tony thought, but I sure as hell am.

Whatever it takes.

~~~

The team returned from their final hunt for Thanos with his head in a burlap sack.

Tony hadn’t been allowed to go along for the mission. If you asked him why, he’d say it was because his best suit was out of commission and therefore he needed to make some repairs. If you asked any of the others, they’d tell you it was because he had barely recovered from his stint in space the weeks before.

The only ones willing to tell him this to his face were Natasha and Rhodey. When he had tried to call one of his older suits, one closer to the model from their first fight in New York rather than the Bleeding Edge, they had practically locked him in the medical ward. Rhodey had shouted through the door something about his best friend looking like a walking skeleton, and Natasha had assured him they’d be back soon.

Tony had waited anxiously for their return since. He hoped, beyond hope, for an alert from Friday describing the victims of the snap reappearing in the streets. The only alert he got was when Captain Marvel first touched down within the Compound grounds.

Long since freed from the medical ward, Tony stood in the main lab. Thor strode into the room and dropped the brown sack down onto the linoleum. “Party gift?” The engineer asked, walking closer. He already knew that whatever happened out in space wasn’t good. Nothing had been fixed.

Thor used the blade of Stormbreaker to harshly pull back the folded cloth. Steve, Rhodey, and Rocket walked in right as Tony sucked in a breath at the sight of Thanos’ graying severed head. He took a shocked step backward and held eye contact with the corpse.

“The stones were destroyed when we arrived.” Steve explained softly. Despite Tony’s efforts to avoid looking at him, he could still feel Cap’s eyes boring into his own, searching for his reaction.

“The bastard really damned us all,” Rocket sneered. The animal’s teeth were bared, but his eyes still held that empty resignation that everyone had seen before.

At some point during Tony’s staring contest with the decapitated head, Carol had joined them. One of her hands came into his vision as she hauled the offensive remains away. She kicked it beneath a workbench while keeping up a steady stream of talking.

“- In all my time in the galaxy I’ve never encountered a force strong enough to rival those stones. I’ve been making some contacts, but no one knows of anything that can undo this. I was thinking that this might be in more of the realm of Asgard’s expertise-”

“Asgard is destroyed.” Thor mumbled gruffly.

“-as I was saying, if we can locate Asgard’s seer-”

“Heimdall is dead!” Lightning cracked from Thor’s fingers dangerously. The air was now charged with uncontrolled power. Carol didn’t even flinch, but she did take a pause.

“The Trickster?” She suggested, unaware of the full details of Asgard’s decimation.

Something in Thor snapped at that question. With a great roar that sounded more like the Hulk than a King, volts of lightning shot out towards the surrounding lab equipment.

“What the fuck!” Tony growled. Everyone had dropped to the ground at the God’s outburst. Once the smoke cleared he could catch sight of Thor stomping out of the room.

“Tony!” Steve yelled, rushing towards the other man. Tony heard a hissing sound as a frayed electrical wire lashed towards his face.

“Woah!” Tony’s heart took a swan dive when Steve barely pulled him out of the way at the last second. Streaks of blue light stained his eyes.

A broken robotic arm, designed to assemble pieces of the armor, spasmed near where Rocket was standing on a table. He jumped out of the way while Nat stabbed the mechanism with one of her blades, pinning it down.

The atmosphere in the room settled, but the tension stayed long past Thor’s exit. Tony jerked his arm out of Cap’s overly tight hold and shot him a glare.

“This- what are we calling it?- this mission, this team, is a mess.” The billionaire ran a shaking hand through his now disheveled hair. “So Thanos is dead. Murderer of half the universe, brought to justice.” He coughed out a sound just short of a laugh. “Christ.” His desperate grappling for something to hold onto caused him to back himself into the edge of a work desk.

“Take a breath,” Rhodey suggested.

“No. No! Hate to break this to you all, but we’ve lost. It’s- it’s time to- stop.”

“You can’t possibly be suggesting giving up,” Natasha said in disbelief.

“No.” Tony shook his head. “I’m saying if you want to be such heros,” he held Carol’s gaze for a second,” than it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. There’s a world out there- alive, still here- that we’ve been ignoring. Now that we know we aren’t reversing this we need to save them. The past is in the past. We aren’t getting it back.” Tony stumbled forward, passing a silent but attentive Nebula, eyes downturned. “We survived. Maybe it’s just time to live.”

Nebula’s breath seemed to catch.  
Tony studied his reflection in the floor (bruised eyes, sunken cheeks, graying hair) and made a decision.

He walked out of the lab without a glance back.

~~~~

“It’s beautiful, Tony. Absolutely perfect. You’ll love it,” Pepper promised. She had gone to see the new house without her husband, despite it being his own design and current project.

“That’s great. I’m glad you like it,” Tony replied honestly. Every aspect of the secluded cabin was built with his wife in mind. After everything that had happened with Thanos, he had sworn to her that he would move them out of that godforsaken compound and into a proper home. One without super powered individuals running on fumes to seek revenge. A home that didn’t reek of loss and regret. One that they could live and grow in. One that they could-

“Hey,” Pepper repeated through the phone. She had been trying to regain his attention for the past minute or so.

“Sorry, sorry, I was-”

“Thinking?” Tony could practically hear the smile in his CEO’s voice. “You always are.”

He picked up the wrench on his work table and set to his task again, holding the phone between his head and shoulder. “ I was thinking about finally asking Peter to move in with us.” The admission came out rushed and filled with anxiety, like the engineer was spitting it out before he swallowed his words again. “What do you think?”

The suggestion to take the kid with them had been Pepper’s in the first place, but Tony still feared that she would change her mind. The three of them were practically living together at the compound already, with Peter’s room being a permanent fixture of the communal halls and the master suite always being occupied by the newly wedded couple. Pepper had set up shop in the compound following Tony’s disappearance. They would have left by now, but they didn’t have the heart to leave after the news about Aunt May.

So, when Tony finally laid down the foundation for their dream home, Pepper had voiced the unspoken question lingering in the air. What would they do with Peter?

And Tony had shook his head, afraid to say what he wanted the solution to be.

But Pepper: sweet, intelligent, knowing Pepper, took one look at his face and suggested Peter come with them. A proper family to fill their new home.

“That’s a wonderful idea. There is something I need to talk to you about, though.”

Tony felt his heart skip a beat. She couldn’t be changing her mind now, right? “Yeah?”

“I really wanted to tell you this in person, but you know I won’t be back for another couple weeks.”

“Yeah?” All this build up was beginning to freak him out.

“I even started to plan an announcement but-”

“Pep?” The silence over the line was somehow the loudest thing he had ever heard.

“Check your email.”

Wiping off his hands with an oil rag, Tony clicked the notification on his cell. It opened to reveal a single photo attachment. Jarvis took the initiative to display it on one of the hologram tables. The photo, obviously taken from Pepper’s Stark Phone, was of a small object on a clear table. A small stick with a pink plus.

"Did we just become parents?"

"Honey, you've been a parent for way longer than you care to admit."

~~~~~

When Peter is told the news, he cries. He's offered a new life with a new family for the price of absolutely nothing besides being himself. When Tony first walks him into the room he had specialty designed with the teen in mind, Peter sobs openly. He looks around at the limited edition posters adorning the walls and the obviously expensive Star Wars memorabilia as though he can't comprehend that it was all his. Yet, that's not the feature of the bedroom he chooses to linger on. 

Instead he stares at the giant picture frame hanging above his bed containing a photo of him, May, Pepper, and Tony at the award ceremony the billionaire had put together for his Stark internship. The pictures were mostly taken just to spite the classmates who kept insisting he was lying. With that in mind, the group hadn't held back on how absurd they made the photo. All of them were gathered in an affectionate group hug, Tony making kissy faces at the camera while Peter waved his certificate in the air like a trophy. 

Peter doesn't realize how long he stands there looking up at that picture until Tony is wrapping him up in giant hug and smoothing down his hair. 

_This is nice,_ he thinks. 

He takes a snapshot of the moment in his mind. He hopes that the memory will appear in his dreams, forcing away the nightmare version where he's gasping for breath on Titan, feeling his skin crawl as though it intended to flake away into ash. 

~~~~~

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading everyone! I appreciate all kudos and comments  
> If you've read my other works, then this note is for you:  
> I kind of just posted this old draft to let you guys know I'm alive lmao. I'm so thankful for the support 'Certifiable Genius' and 'How are you here?' has gotten. I never meant to ghost y'all. In fact, I've been working on that last chapter for way too long. The idea got away from me and now I'm writing a whole other one shot set in the same AU agdjdgjdjgdd. But I'm so excited for you to read it!! Anyway, I'm so sorry. Expect that final chapter and accompanying one shot soon!! I promise


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